Don't ask me why I have this thought, but wouldn't the ultimate ball review require the following:

1) The bowling robot for consistency

2) The robot would have to be set up to throw the ball at several different rev rates to match the common ones "most" bowlers have.  If you are an exception, I guess you are out of luck.

3) The robot would have to be set up to throw the ball at several axis, tilt, ball speed and PAP locations  with holes drilled in the ball to allow bowlers with those stats to see how the ball will react.

4) The robot will have to be set up to bowl on various THS and sport patterns of different volumes and lengths so that bowlers might find one that matches the house they bowl on.

5) The robot would need to play different parts of the lanes and break points and also fresh and broken-down conditions so that the bowler can see how the ball might match up on their particular lane pattern.

6) The robot would have to be transported to various parts of the country to record correct humidity and time of day oiling patterns of various centers along with with older wood lanes, and different synthetic lane options available across the country.

Feel free to add additional requirements necessary.  And of course, since we are bowlers, this information shall be provided FREE OF CHARGE to us.   

Well, the first question I'd ask is:  Are the results the throwbot would report "subjective"?   

That'll be expensive to do for every release..

I agree it would be extremely expensive, which is why I had the sarcastic, "free of charge" line in the bottom of my post.

The only reviews that come close is BTM who review with multiple styles and multiple lane conditions, and you have to pay for their results which I feel is very fair.

And no I don't work for them.   

Their site is the only site I am aware of that you can compare brand vs brand.  Here you might know that in the Storm line up, ball X is the strongest because the same guy throws all the Storm balls and you can get a read.

Buddies Pro Shop comes close when Chris F is throwing the ball as you can judge ball reactions as they use the same test pattern usually.  But sometimes they have guest ball throwers which doesn't always help.

The mistake I want to avoid is brand x - weak ball is actually a medium compared to brand y's weak ball etc moving up the scale.

Just curious, but would the robot be able to throw a back up ball so the people who bowl from the left out side of the lane would be able to get a good look at the reaction also.

The other problem is that releases are like finger prints.  No two are exactly alike.  In addition the bowlers own versatility in adopting to the ball are impossible to duplicate.

So, at best, when any bowler buys any ball, it's an educated best guess for some, or the wrong choice for others and the ball companies bank account grows either way.

Sounds like the ball companies are doing something right. 

You watch a video from here, on youtube, and you have no idea really what condition that person bowled on.  They tell you it is a 42 ft THS.  What volume of oil?  Because around here, there are 42 ft THS that require heavy oil balls, and others that require light oil balls depending on the house.  Maybe even what day of the week it is at the house.  5 man league?  Higher volume shot, than senior league day.

And if someone buys a ball based off the PBA telecast which I here lots of house bowlers do, they are watching the best bowlers of the week on a pattern the most house bowlers will never bowl on.  Way to use your good judgement there.

I am just fortunate that here in the DFW area there are lots of skilled pro shop operators that will advise you in a honest manner and not sell you something you don't need.  But if you insist, sure you can buy that new hook monster.

The throwbot would have to complain about the approaches,  lighting,  and the lane conditions. It also need to kick the ball return.

Don't forgot the robot would need to learn to cuss in at least 3 languages.

Also settings of Sober, Buzz, and Drunk off your ______.

Great topic and conversation. I like the Throwbot challenge type videos they made a few times. I seem to recall one where Chris Barnes took the machine on for a game and won. The catch was the machine threw it so perfect, that it altered the lane condition in less than 7 frames. Not dramatically, but enough to affect the pin carry late in the game.