Hey, all.

I'm not even sure how to explain this situation, but I'll try to keep it short.

Our "fun" mixed league season is winding down. Two weeks ago was the last regular round of play and we played a team that had a chance to win the second half. We took all four points, and they didn't make it. They were upset, of course, but it was sad that they couldn't even show the decency of shaking hands afterwards.

Monday was position round, and we bowled them again. They took all four points. That's not a problem. We've managed to lose all four points several times this season, and we've laughed about it. The sad thing was that two of the men on that team spent all night mocking, laughing at and teasing about one of my teammates. Now this woman is almost 70 and she's a new bowler. Is she good, heck no. But she has the biggest heart in the world, and she's always gracious to everyone. After she left for the night, I said to the members of the other team that I thought their behavior was below par and that they were unnecessarily cruel. They denied doing anything. I thought we were fortunate that the woman on my team didn't happen to notice the poor behavior, and when they denied doing it, I considered that I might just be overly sensitve to the situation. Well, on the way home from league, my husband told me that our teammate had mentioned near the end of the last game that "those fellows have been picking on me all night." So much for my hopes that she hadn't noticed.

Now the dilemma ... this coming Monday we have our final roll-off. Guess what - we're bowling this team again, for fifth and sixth place. That's three weeks in a row. Poor sports the first week, general meanness the second week. What can be expected next? I've known from the beginning of the year that we probably weren't going to win the league, but I did want it to be a fun and happy experience for my teammates. Anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do on Monday night to help make the end of the season a positive one for our new bowling buddy? Is there anything I can do to difuse the situation should the other team start to show their stripes again? I really don't want this woman to end the year with people being mean to her. I sure hope that when I'm nearing my 70s that I have the guts to try some new physical activity where I'll be routinely pitted against much younger more skilled people. And I hope they'll be nice.

Deb

Edited on 4/27/2004 10:21 AM

For those of us who want to be on the lanes, have a postive social experience, throw the ball as best as we can, it is always difficult to figure out what to say to classless idiots.

If I were you, I'd talk to the league officers, and see if they have any ideas. Maybe other teams have voiced complaints about the same team, and maybe the team is due a warning. The worst the officers can say is 'deal with it'.

The other course of action would be to give it right back - but if you're like me, that is very difficult to do. And - if I let myself get upset at the behavior of the other team, it hurts my bowling. And the bottom line is - if you can really hurt 'em where it counts (on the lane), what they say doesn't really matter.

I like the foam finger idea also, but the foam finger i'd have sticking up would not be the one that you normally associate with "#1" .......some people simply don't have any class (worse yet, they don't seem to be bothered by it).....#1 Hats off to you for "taking on" your new teammate;  #2 I also appreciate you attitude --- not all leagues are for scratch bowlers. I thought  there was supposed to be a "fun" factor w/bowling.  I hope everything works out for you, but I would  definitely say something to them if they start in on your teammate again ----  Seems like something like, "Hey we're just trying to have a little fun here" should work ---- I hardly think they should bring out the  daggers for the difference between fifth and sixth....Good luck and good bowling.

Debina -

If they start mocking her again I would approach them.

Tell them that your teammate overheard them making fun of her last week and that she felt really bad.  Explain to them that she's a new bowler and feels very self conscious about her inability to bowl well.  Tell them that you would appreciate it if they would refrain from teasing her tonight.  Then say something like "I'm sure if someone was making fun of your mother you wouldn't like it, so please don't do it to her".  Hopefully they will have some sense of decency and leave her alone.

Good luck!  

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LadyW....

Edited on 4/21/2004 9:29 PM

What I do when running into jerks like is grit your teeth, bear down and throw the series of your life.  Rally your troops together, and hopefully you can destroy them to finish the season.  Then if the other team starts acting up, throw in a jab here and a jab there when they miss.  There will be no comment you can make however, that can top if your older bolwer comes out and outright beats one of their bowlers, or makes a game clinching shot.

Good luck to ya!  

P.S.  We just had that happen this sunday, bowling another team who just clinched 1st while we were in second.  Even though we couldn't catch them for 1st place we went out and destroyed them during the final week.  None of the other teams were really jerks like you describe, but a few cocky comments did come out.  Felt good to at least show up and send'em home with a reminder that next year will be different
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D <~~~~ Used to be terrible wiffing 10 pins.  Now through much practice, can wiff any single pin spare at any time.

Darrell Guzman
guzmand19 - Yahoo IM and MSN screen names

Thanks again for all of the support and feedback concerning my dilemma of last week! Last night was the final night of league play, and I thought I'd let you know how it went.

We started with a huge bag of chocolate on the table. That was to help us get back to our happy place if anything upset us. We greeted the opposing team with smiles and handshakes during practice, and then we proceeded to just bowl. We took the first game by 11 pins. They weren't happy. We took the second game by 46 pins. We offered them chocolate.

In the third game, the main pain on the opposing team started whistling and humming whenever he was waiting behind me on the approach. I smile to myself and threw strikes. About halfway through the third game, he was up at the same time as our teammate who was the object of their ridicule last week. She threw her normal first ball and took out three pins. He threw a lousy first ball and took out three pins. She said to him that it looked like they both had their work cut out to make the frame a good one. As she prepared to throw her second ball, he stood behind her quietly singing "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better." She threw a decent ball for her and took out 6 pins for a 9 count for the frame. He got up on the approach and pulled the second ball, taking out 3 pins for a 6 count for the frame. As he walked back to his seat our teammate -- God love her! -- actually talked smack to him! It was so funny to see our sweet elderly lady bowler turn to the young gun, smile, and say, "So that's what you call better? We must understand the game differently."

The other team managed to take the third game by 12 pins, but we won the fourth point and took the series. We finished fifth and they dropped to ninth place. Only two of the team members shook hands with us after the game, but we didn't mind much. We were there to have fun, and we did, regardless of other people's attitudes. So, I guess we really were the winners in more ways than one last night!

One final note, young gun has enjoyed pointing out to me how he's just a better bowler than me. But on money night, his threw a series -20 on his average, and I managed +46 on mine. Ah, it was a good night!

Deb