Bye-bye bowling: No more pain from the lane
This is the end as we know it.
No, not the end of the world, but the conclusion of the 2009-2010 winter bowling season.
I’m heartbroken.
It brings to a close a long and painful string of months during which mounds of scoresheets filed through.
Does the new health care package cover nervous breakdowns from perusing through 300 games and 800 sets and then trying to weave words weekly to creatively convey a bowler’s battle to attain those numbers?
There’s little defense for an argument that throwing a ball on a hard surface and successfully knocking down 10 obstacles 63 feet away constitutes a sport.
At least a pitcher’s throw to home plate against a batter presents a more difficult challenge.
Bowling pins have yet to do the same. They only yield to things that go by silly names such as Mutant, Rogue, Evil Siege, Red Alien, Total Bedlam, Black Widow, Sharp Noize.
It’s great that people have an activity, especially during the gloomiest 32 weeks of a year, but is that fulfilling?
I have my own form of bowling and that’s eating.
In a sense, when food is consumed, it follows a bumper bowling-style path down the esophagus and into the stomach. It doesn’t get sidetracked. Every swallow is a strike.
What do bowlers have? A scoresheet printout?
What is it that drives bowlers to achieve better scores?
Do they have too much money to spend or too much time?
Maybe it’s because they have a life and I don’t.
I’m ready to Snap.
Hey, that’s a good name for another ball model.
Well, that’s it for the 9-10 season.
Signing off from Spare-Me-The-Pain Lanes.
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Austin Burris
