Yesterday started out like any other day. I woke up late, rushed through the shower, forgot to shave, and walked into work about 5 minutes after 8:00. Luckily, the boss didn't notice. Went through my usual routine of daily tasks, worked on a couple of projects, and put out a couple of fires. Nothing out of the norm, and over all, not a bad day at work.
Traffic was good when I left, and I got to the lanes early. The counter man and I had a nice discussion over a couple of beers trying to decide whether cg really matters, and pretty soon it was time to bowl.
The lanes were good, typical THS. Toss it out to the right and let it bounce back off the bumper. However, I soon discovered that the 10 pin, my old nemesis, was out to get me. It started in game 1. I was pounding the pocket and shot after shot I was leaving the 10 pin. I think there were 6 of them in all. I only missed one and with a lucky double in there, shot a 191. I was a bit agitated by all the 10 pins, but nothing too bad.
The second game didn't get any better. I left 8 of them 10 pins, and whiffed half of them. I was starting to get mad and was swearing loudly at the 10 pin every time it stood in defiance of me. That game was an embarassing 152.
Game 3 started with another 10 pin, but this one was different. As it swayed wildly to the left and right, refusing to go down, I noticed that it had its back to me and was MOONING me! I was enraged, and threw my spare ball what seemed to be 100 mph at it. As it smacked the little basstard square, I yelled triumphantly "You want more of me, B***H? Bring it on!"
And bring it the 10 pin did. The next 5 frames it remained. Through my bloodshot, pulsing, angry eyes I could see that 10 pin sticking it's tongue out at me. Mocking me. Dancing around and flipping me off. I returned the gesture often. This was no longer a game. It had become personal, and I began to suspect the ball return and scoring monitor were in on the deal.
The 7th, 8th, and 9th frames were more of the same, except I was sweating profusely, drooling and slobbering like a bulldog, and shrieking expletives and death threats to the 10 pin after every shot. I was so angry I could not stop shaking. My heart rate was through the roof, and I could feel my temples pulsating with rage.
As I stood on the approach for the 10th and final frame, the bowling alley fell eerily silent. For one thing, everyonoe in the center had stopped bowling. It's like I was going for a 300 game in the old days, but I hadn't thrown a strike the whole game. My jaw trembled, my temples pounded, and every muscle in my body ached. My sphincter was tight. I couldn't let that smart-*** little 10 pin defeat me with everyone watching. My manhood was at stake here!
I don't remember much about the delivery, except that it was good. The ball went out and bounced back like normal. It hit the pocket like a ton of bricks. There was a thunderous crash, a flash of white pin-bodies flying around. Then silence... A cricket chirped... The crowd gasped...
THE DAMN 10 PIN WAS STILL STANDING! In one last attempt to salvage my dignity, I did what comes natural to most males when their manhood is threatened. I lashed out in anger. I swore in a manner that would embarass the most vulgar of sailors. I kicked the ball return as hard as I could, did my impression of Rocky Balboa on the scoring monitor, then finally went completely berserk.
I limped down the lane swearing revenge on that 10 pin that had humiliated me so. I tried to grab it, still mocking me, and realized my right hand was not working correctly. As I made a swipe with my left hand, I felt a tug on my shirt collar. Immediately, I realized that the 10 pin had called the cops on me! I couldn't let this little punk get away with humiliating me in front of everyone, then having me arrested!
Somehow I managed to wrestle the gun from the policeman's belt. I felt a sharp pain in my back and side as the sights focused in on that cursed 10 pin. There was a loud blast, the gun recoiled, little splinters of 10 pin flew as the bullet tore into it, I felt a surge of energy running through my body. I convulsed, my leg felt wet, the realization that the cop was tazing me settled in. My world went black.
I woke up today to find a cast on my foot, another on my hands, and sore, stiff muscles all over. There were a few knots on my head. There may be stitches somewhere as well. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon, and one with a Judge tomorrow morning. The league voted to kick me out, and the bowling alley has banned me forever. But in the end, it will all be worth it if I managed to save so much as one bowler from being humiliated by the 10 pin the way I was.
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9~
Internet Tough Guy
Cyberspace Sheep Lover
