If you buy used equipment from time to time on eBay, you're familiar with the ends auctioneers go to in order to sell their stuff. This little rant was triggered by a recent purchase that didn't exactly go smoothly. Here are 10 things you'll see in the "item description" field on eBay, followed by what they really mean.
10. The ad says: "Great ball with very low games!"
What it means: "There are no logos left, the ball has a diameter of 4 inches and as such may be legal for candlepin."
9. The ad says: "First drill except to plug the fingers for a span change."
What it means: "Has more spots than a Dalmatian lost in a Sharpie factory."
8. The ad says: "Finger inserts are small (it was my wife's ball), but those can be easily removed in just a few seconds and changed for inserts that fit you!"
What it means: "Someone installed the last set of grips with a TIG welder."
7. The ad says: "Minor scratches in the track."
What it means: "Inmates on a 70-year stretch don't carve on their cell walls this much."
6. The ad says: "Will ship as soon as I get payment."
What it means: "...although I reserve the right to implement a conversion table that uses days equivalent to defunct Pony Express routes."
5. The ad says: "PBA tour used!!!!!!!!"
What it means: "By me, in the 9-pin no-tap pro am, while Chris Loschetter stood close enough to see the ball while hitting on my girlfriend."
4. The ad says: "Plenty of life left in this one!"
What it means: "As a garden gazing globe."
3. The ad says: "Vintage ball!"
What it means: "In the same spirit 30-year-old Boone's Farm in a screw-top bottle is a vintage wine."
2. The ad says: "RARE FIND!!!!"
What it means: "It's rare that I can find anything in my garage. And what do you mean Brunswick sold a million of these here 'Zones'?"
1. The ad says: "Reasonable shipping rates! Bid with confidence!"
What it means: "Payment terms are 30 years fixed with 10 percent down and/or inclusion of title or other collateral."
Jess
