Sounds like a little rant I went on recently, which caused me to create the verse I call "WONDER BALL".
<Billy Mays ON>
It's new, it's improved, and WOW, it's AMAZING. The all new and improved WONDER BALL. It slices, it dices, it hooks on ANYTHING!
It SLICES through those pins, DICES those racks, and works on anything from gravel to TEFLON!
Got dry? This baby goes straight as an arrow. Got oil? This thing takes a left turn on ICE, it's INCREDIBLE.
Due to a new formula that NOBODY ELSE HAS, we've been able to create the most fantastic ball ever. No matter WHAT the condition, this ball is the answer. Works just as well at 50 grit as it does 50,000 grit, AND MAN, THIS THING HITS LIKE A RUNAWAY FREIGHT TRAIN!
But wait, theres MORE! Order yous today, and we'll throw in a matching pair of shoelaces and an unbreakable ACE comb! Now you can not only bowl in style, but you can look well groomed while doing it. Imagine the looks you'll get when you're bowling with your new WONDER BALL!
<Billy Mays OFF>
