Might need them for later on some thing.
--------------------
Enjoy the people on the ballreview.com forum. Like to help when I can.






Edited on 12/1/2006 12:50 PM

  GREAT !!
--------------------
Enjoy the people on the ballreview.com forum. Like to help when I can.




Edited on 11/28/2006 9:55 PM

Two men were talking when one said to the other, "I don't know what to do. Every time I call my wife, she is not home. She's never home!"

The other man replied, "My wife used to never be home also. Then I bought her a cell phone. She's always at home now!"

Bubba and Earl were walking down a dirt road. Bubba had a big potato sack over his shoulder. Earl decided to ask what was in the sack.

When he asked, Bubba said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''

Earl wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.

''Well, I'll tell you,'' replied Bubba, ''If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''

Etiquette List for Rednecks, by Martha Stewart

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change
sheets.

5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will
... it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the
funeral.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a
taxidermist.

2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter
how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as
it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste
of finger foods.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.

2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If
the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to
get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
as soon as the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they cannot hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this
special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.

3. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

4. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession

A state trooper pulled Bubba over for speeding. He approached Bubba's pickup truck and asked, "You got any ID?"

Bubba replied, "Bout whut?"

Billy Bob and Elmer were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Elmer, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year, I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few times I took your advise about where to go."

"Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Sue Ellen got pregnant."

"Two years ago, you said to go to Tahiti. I went to Tahiti and Sue Ellen got pregnant."

"Last year, you said to go to the Bahamas, and darned if Sue Ellen didn't get pregnant again."

Elmer asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob replies, "This year, I'm gonna take Sue Ellen with me."

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in South Carolina. While it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly, he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride real bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door. Only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. Then the car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.

The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. Still too scared to jump out, he started praying and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown. Just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, the guy, virtually scared to death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and, with voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey. He then told everybody about his supernatural experience.

A silence in the bar ensued and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth, and was not just some drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Bubba, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we was pushin it in the rain."